Challenges in Caregiving

As medical advances help us live longer, more and more of us are called on to provide care for an aging family member or friend. Today, one in four American households provide caregiving.

When a debilitating illness does strike, families often are left scrambling to figure out how they will care for their loved one. Victims of stroke, injury, Alzheimer’s, or Parkinson’s disease, for example, often go from being completely independent to requiring frequent or constant care. For many, caregiving becomes a round-the-clock, never-ending responsibility.

When a chronic illness strikes someone we love, we’re caught off guard. We react with shock, disbelief, and denial. We worry about how other family members will cope with the news, and how we will manage. It can be devastating to watch family members lose their independence, enjoyment in life, and, at times, their dignity.

Another painful adjustment for caregivers is coping with changes in their loved-ones personality, and the irritability, mood swings, and verbal outbursts that may occur. Taking care of the chronically ill takes a toll emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually on the caregiver. Not surprisingly, caregivers often feel isolated, unappreciated, emotionally and physically exhausted, and mentally drained.

Sam, a 63-year-old retired bricklayer, understands what it’s like to cope with a family member’s chronic illness. “When my wife, Mary, was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, I just couldn’t believe it,” says Sam. “Mary and I had just celebrated our 45th wedding anniversary. We had so many plans for our retirement together. Mary’s illness has changed our hopes and dreams for the future.” Sam wasn’t prepared for how Mary’s illness and becoming a caregiver would affect him.

Sam explains, “Mary was always a sweet-natured person. Her illness changed her into someone else. Her Alzheimer’s made her forgetful and moody. She’d be standing in the living room and forget how to get to the bathroom. She seemed frightened, confused, and angry. Sometimes she would lash out at me as though I were her enemy, instead of her husband. It really hurt, because I was trying so hard to take care of her.”

Caregivers Need To Take Care

Because the demands of chronic illnesses require near-constant attention, caregivers often sacrifice their own needs to attend to their patients. They tend to set unrealistically high expectations for themselves, and feel guilty when they cannot manage on their own. They may be unaware that caregivers who overdo, risk “burn out,” clinical depression, or becoming physically ill themselves.

“Taking care of the chronically ill takes a toll emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually on the caregiver.”

As Mary’s condition worsened, Sam had difficulty keeping up with the demands of caregiving. “I didn’t want to ask anyone else to take care of my wife,” he said. “Mary’s my wife, and I love her. I didn’t want to burden anyone else. My kids have their own lives and responsibilities. And, I disliked the idea of a stranger taking care of my wife. I felt that I should be strong enough to manage on my own. It took me a while to finally accept that being a good caregiver didn’t mean that I had to do it alone. Once I let people help me I not only felt better, but I was a better caregiver for Mary.”

Share the Care

As Sam learned, it is important that caregivers ask others for help. By taking better care of themselves, caregivers are better able to cope with the demands of caregiving. To develop a more balanced approach, caregivers need to ask family, friends, and neighbors for help. Caregivers can begin the process of self-care by talking to neighbors and family members about caregiving. Letting others know specific ways they can help is an important start.

They must also recognize that it’s normal to feel frustrated, angry, resentful, hurt, or bitter. To help manage their stress, caregivers need outlets—connecting with friends, hobbies, and activities can help them stay centered. Caregiver support groups available in most communities, offer free access to practical information and emotional support, and some caregivers connect with a professional mental health counselor to help better manage their stress.

If you or someone in your family needs help with caregiving, or if you would like a copy of a free guidebook for caregivers, call the Bricklayer’s Member Assistance Program (MAP) to speak privately to MAP’s licensed mental health professional.

MAP assists active and retired BAC members, and their families with problems such as retirement issues, depression, stress, alcohol and drug addiction, domestic violence, parenting, and family concerns. MAP services are offered at no cost, and all calls are kept strictly confidential. MAP generally accepts calls Monday through Friday from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. EST. Call MAP today toll-free: 1-888-880-8222. “Just ask for MAP.”